Control
by iisAnonymousperson
Summary: A one-shot based on the song "Control" by Halsey. Can be a stand-alone if you squint, but it is a PJO Fanfic.


_They send me away to find them a fortune_

I was sent on a quest. I didn't even know why – the gods were doing fine before, why do they need this magic pearl or whatever? Apparently, it had the Midas touch or something similar. Basically, it could make the gods rich. But why, after six years, would they send me on a quest. Why not back when I was sixteen, and still got at this?

 _A chest filled with diamonds and gold_

I found the pearl – on an island made of treasures. The trees were silver, and the leaves, gold. The earth was bronze and the grass was emerald. Flowers of rubies and diamonds littered the grounds. A drop of rose gold amber dripped from a thousand year old tree. In the very center of the island, on a mountain, sat the pearl, on a lake of sapphire. It was the color of Amethyst, about the size of my fist.

 _The house was awake_

I picked it up. My hand tingled, and a blue sheen traveled up my arm and covered my body – then it disappeared. On the way back, I heard things. On the boat. It was like ghosts or monster under your bed. Or in your head.

 _With shadows and monsters_

I was just imagining the shapes that flitted at the edge of my vision. Right? Right. I mean, seeing is believing… except not, because I'm me. I began to grow paranoid.

 _The hallways, they echoed and groaned_

The sound of wood groaning on the ceiling kept me up at night. Footsteps disappeared every time I rounded a corner. Whispers echoes in my head, little wisps that I caught from the figures' muttering.

 _I sat alone in bed till the morning_

Morning broke and I never had any rest. Perhaps a night in my cabin back at camp would help. But the figures and shapes still lurked, just out of sight.

 _I'm crying "they're coming for me"_

Why were the shadows there? What was it? More enemies? I couldn't figure it out, and it bothered me. I couldn't keep going on like that.

 _And I tried to hold these secrets inside me_

I kept it in for as long as I could, but Annabeth had always been perceptive. I told her about the shapes, the whispers. My paranoia. She determined that the time alone made me prone to the PTSD from Tartarus to get to me. I just needed time.

 _My mind's like a deadly disease_

I began having flashbacks. But the nightmares, they were never memories. Always some horrific _thing_ made up in my head. The power I wielded down there… why? And why was I only now remembering it?

 _I'm bigger than my body_

The power… in the dreams, I was so much. The bad guy and the good guy. The most powerful being, and yet, the weakest. I did horrible things, and I did good things.

I don't think it was the PTSD causing the problem.

 _I'm colder than this home_

I hid my emotions, trying to keep the others from worrying. I'd seen many things, and I couldn't let them continue to bother me.

 _I'm meaner than my demons_

Is that what they were? The shadows? Were they my demons, the ones I was running from? No more running, I decided.

 _I'm bigger than my bones_

My internal structure came crumbling down after an Earth-shaking flashback. I broke, but I still hid it from the camp.

 _And the kids cried out "Please stop, you're scaring me"_

Jason found out first. From there, it spread. I lost control over myself – as if whatever was inside me decided to possess me.

 _I can't help this awful energy_

It came out more and more. The gods found out. I lost control once more, nearly killing _Zeus_ , a god. I don't blame them for throwing me down here.

 _Godsdamn right, you should be scared of me_

Tartarus. It was a horrible place, yet the _thing_ inside me thrived. I knew what to expect now. I learned about my other side; when I didn't have to worry about others, I could experiment.

 _Who is in control?_

But sometimes, I wondered who was in control; me or this power? Was it dictating my life, influencing me? Or was I controlling it, using it to my advantage?

 _I paced around for hours, on empty_

I kept thinking. Would I ever get out? Do the others hate me? What gave me this ability? The pearl? Or was it something I unlocked down in here the first time?

 _I jumped at the slightest of sounds_

A rustle let me know that something was there. It startled me – I was so deep in thought something snuck up on me, and I jumped. Perhaps a brave dracaena? But it was a baby hellhound, the size of my head.

 _And I couldn't stand the person inside me_

I looked in my pseudo mirror. My eyes were cracked – and a little blue-er than they used to be. There was an insane glint. I scared myself. Just breath, learn to understand it, and you will no longer fear it, I told myself.

 _I turned all the mirrors around_

I tried, for a year, I tried. But I couldn't do it. My pseudo mirror melted into a puddle of ashy water. I can't do it!

 _I'm bigger than my body_

I tried again. Perhaps a different tactic would work. I looked at it the way an Athena kid would. Annabeth would be so proud.

 _I'm colder than this home_

Some of the powers appeared my first time here – such as moving liquids. The others, seeing demons and ghosts, came after I touched the pearl. It must have been cursed. I could move matter and energy. Okay.

 _I'm meaner than my demons_

I looked directly at it, for the first time. It looked like me, but it had purple eyes. I pulled out the first weapon I touched, and charged. As soon as We clashed swords, I was sucked into a memory. A girl, early teens, stood there. I recognized her as Calypso. She was glaring at me – then she began ranting. Every word tore at my soul, but I grabbed her by the shoulder and looked her in the eye. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry I didn't get you out, and I'm sorry you had to wait for Leo. Those were my exact words.

 _I'm bigger than my bones_

The demon hissed as I defeated it. The shadows vanished from my sight, but I knew they would be back. My soul felt lighter and my power grew. Perhaps this was the key.

 _And all the kids cried out "Please stop, you're scaring me!"_

I remembered Gabe and his smelly posse of poker playing assholes. I cried out as he approached me –you're scaring me, Gabe, stop! – but he didn't stop.

 _I can't help this awful energy_

I was getting it under control – the power. It was struggling against me, but I was learning how it worked and piecing it together little by little.

 _Godsdamn right, you should be scared of me_

The monsters steered clear. I had built a little hut, and the others never came at me; too afraid. I looked at the little place and smiled. It was pitiful compared to surface standards, but this was Tartarus. It was probably the most beautiful place in the entire realm.

 _Who is in control?_

Me – I gained control over it. I picked it apart and put it back together. I just didn't know why it was given to me.

 _I'm well acquainted with villains that live in my bed_

From controlling the power, I decided to figure out what my flaws were. Loyalty, of course. I was a little prideful, but I tried to make up for that by apologizing and admitting my mistakes and wrong-doings. That turned to what I'd done wrong. Could I have saved Luke? Should I really have kept the power hidden?

 _They beg me to write them so they'll never die when I'm dead_

I keep a journal, of what I do during the days. It also helped me keep track of the days. It'd been nearly three years. The demons I had mastered were recorded in the journal. My ghosts were persistent little buggers. I looked each one of them in the eye – even the look-alikes of my friends and family – and I apologized. I told them what I did wrong. Some, like Selina, slapped me. That one said I was being stupid, and then I apologized again, earning another face print.

 _And I've grown familiar with villains in my head_

I spent another year down there, sorting myself out and coming to terms with my past. I understand my demons, my villains and my ghosts.

 _They beg me to write them so I'll never die when I'm dead_

I write about my flaws. I write about my strengths. I made sure that all of me was in that journal. I wrote my past too. Everything.

 _I'm bigger than my body_

I was better than the old me. I'm stronger, and I'm quite possibly smarter too.

 _I'm colder than this home._

I had extreme control over my emotions.

 _I'm meaner than my demons_

I didn't hide though. I was an open book when I wanted to be.

 _I'm bigger than these bones_

I broke out of my exoskeleton. I broke the mortal boundaries, and I am stronger than possible.

 _And all the kids cried out "Please stop, you're scaring me!"_

I was no longer afraid.

 _I can't help this awful energy_

I could help it.

 _Godsdamn right, you should be scared of me_

No needed to be afraid anymore.

 _Who is in control?_

I had complete control.

 _And all the kids cried out "Please stop, you're scaring me!"_

I crawled out of hell... the Olympians didn't know.

 _Godsdamn right, you should be scared of me_

I explained everything; I was allowed back into society.

 _I can't help this awful energy_

I met with my parents, and the baby sister that happened sometime in the five years I was down there.

 _Who is in control?_

Annabeth charged me. I smiled as she crashed her lips against mine. A small voice called out _Mommy?_ The small blonde hair, green eyed girl – four and a half years old. She was pregnant when I… left, Annabeth explained. I smile at the girl – Mylee. It's a beautiful name, I tell her. My beautiful Mylee.

 ** _Shout out to WiseGirlGreek for pointing out the coding problem with my first post and everyone else because this keeps having coding problems!_**


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